Communication

Written by Joe Leech on Wednesday, 18 December, 2024 at 6:19 am

How to Have Impactful Conversations.

Via Shir on 16 November 2022

We all have conversations that we’d rather not have. Worse, we think we already know how they are going to go (a.k.a badly) and therefore, avoid them at all costs. Cost being the operative word.

The issue isn’t just that these conversations are critical for us to have and costly if we don’t, but actually having these critical conversations allows us to be more free, inspired, and effective in our lives. Whether it’s discomfort, fear that the conversation won’t go well, or potential embarrassment, there are myriad reasons we would rather not have these conversations. Our inner monologue prevents us from taking the right, outcome-changing, result-producing action.

Here’s a way to help people have effective, productive, and successful critical conversations that lead to restoring integrity, accountability, and relationships. We provide the structure to achieve the results you want and elevate your ability to move things forward.

To have a successful critical conversations we need to know that:

• There are guidelines to follow
• Context to create
• Content to communicate

Guidelines:

1. Always start with the context.
2. Write a script and write it until you believe it is good. Try to write both sides if you can.
3. Bring the script with you so you don’t forget everything you want to say. Once you are in the moment, anything can happen. Stay true to the script.
4. Always ask and get permission to have this conversation.
5. Always set up enough time to have this conversation.
6. Have it in a safe space where you can have a full conversation.
7. Make it about you. Don’t speak for them. No one can argue about how you feel or what you have experienced.
8. Similarly, don’t argue with their opinion. It is their experience and the goal is to get resolved and align. Both people’s truths are true for them.
9. NEVER leave without agreements and/or structure of promises for actions or what will happen in the future. This is a particularly hard rule because you will want to leave without putting in promises.
10. Never have the conversation if you don’t believe that it will be successful.
11. Always remember your intentions and the results you want to produce.
12. It’s about moving Expectations into Agreements
13. Remember the parts of the Drama Triangle and move into the Empowerment Triangle

Context:

1. Context is the frame within which the conversation exists; it colors the conversation and gives it its meaning. Context is decisive!
2. The likelihood that you and another person have the same context when you enter a conversation is very low. You don’t know what is going on for them when you speak with them. You don’t know where they came from and what experience they had or are having.
3. To have another being in the same context as you is half the battle and you need to make sure that it happens every time you have a hard conversation.
4. What is in the context/frame?
   1. Intention: You must create an empowering and aligned intention for the conversation. Once you create an aligned intention, your success factor will increase dramatically as now you just have to ensure that the other person is on the same path/intent as you and then they will help you move through it faster and with more success.Confess why this conversation is difficult for you. These thoughts are there anyway for you and if you don’t confess them, they will impact your conversation. By confessing them, you are dealing with your inner monologue powerfully, willing to admit they are just thoughts that may even dissipate in the process of confessing them or get dealt with, all the while letting the other person help you through them and/or admit their own.Don’t assume you know how they feel and why they said or did what they did. You can only say what you felt or thought they said or did or didn’t do. Find out what is their truth and don’t assume you are psychic.Make it about you and what you think or feel. No one can argue with you about that. Ask them how they feel or felt when it all happened. Be open and curious about hearing their truth.Consider that the closest thing to the truth is where two people’s truths meet.
5. Content: When you finally get to the content part.
   1. Create a great context
   2. Communicate clearly and specifically
   3. Don’t assume you know. You don’t know what and how they feel and why they said or did what they did. You can only say what you felt or thought they said or did. Find out their truth.
   4. Don’t blame, make it about you and what you think or feel. No one can argue with you about that. Ask them for how they feel or felt.
   5. Your job is to communicate and say what you want to say and also listen to their side and consider it.
   6. Don’t argue with their opinion. It is their experience and the goal is to get resolved and align.
   7. Create a plan that works for both of you and align on it and the structure. Make and get promises and accountability for moving forward.
   8. If you don’t come to a conclusion this round, set up another meeting to get to a resolution and the results you are looking for.